The Ray 100 - The Quarter-Century Mark (Part I)

I figure with it being around the time of my Jubilee birthday, I should probably delve inward as to try and figure out who I am and why I have become what I am. I read several magazines that help inform my thoughts on life and by far the most bourgeois and intellectual of these is TIME. One of my very favorite issues of TIME is their TIME 100 issue, in which they lay out who they think the 100 most important people in the World are. It makes for an interesting read, but as I scroll past freedom fighters in Algeria or industrialists from China I can't help but wonder that these people are not the ones that I would pick and I question how great their influence really is on my life. Who would I be if not for them? Most likely the same person. That is why I am unveiling the Ray 100. These are the 100 people that have most effected my life through my first 25 years (for better or for worse) and a quick explanation of why they belong on the list or what they taught me. It should be noted that after writing more than half of this post it was brought to my attention that Joel Stein explored this same concept for himself in TIME magazine about seven years ago...thus crushing what I thought was a reasonably original idea. However, I read his article and it has little in common with this post beyond that general premise, so I'm giving myself a pass.

This is meant as a sincere reflection and I don't mean to offend anybody important in my life if they aren't as high as they imagined they were. Just making this list should be considered an accomplishment as it denotes that you have profoundly affected my life. Still, if you don't think that you could stomach not being in my Top 10 then please stop reading right now...unless you feel lucky. There were many deserving people who were considered for their various contributions, that were not selected. You may want to console yourself with the fact that you were probably #101...that is only correct if your name is Chris Hartmann. But I'll give you #102. YOU were totally #102.

100. Terry Caldwell - He is the Honors English II teacher at Loyola High School, by far the most difficult and frustrating teacher that I ever had. He was persnickety as hell and his assignment deadlines were unrealistic. However, his class left me so grammatically prepared that I barely ever had to proofread a paper in college. For those of you that are wondering where that mastery of spelling and grammar is in regards to this blog...you try writing 40+ paragraphs in an hour and a half and see how many mistakes you make. He is also one of two people (the other being Kermit the Frog) who I can do a total spot-on vocal impression of.

99. Fr. Stephen Barber S.J. - He was the Chaplain for Loyola's football team and taught theology courses. He left before our senior year to minister at a prison in San Francisco but he still traveled back for important games because he was invaluable for team morale. His homilies are what I think all homilies should be and he is priest whose wisdom, kindness, and down-to-Earth nature could bring out the faith in anyone...something that is becoming harder and harder to find these days.

98. Stephen Workman - He was my best friend at St. George's Pre-School until I was five years old. I haven't seen the kid since we were seven and I'm not even sure if he's a Stephen or a Steven. However, they say that the first five years of a person's life are extremely formative and I'm sure my best friend during this period had a lot to do with various developments in my need for approval and intricacies of my current day social interactions. I'm pretty sure he was Asian but my mom will correct me if I'm wrong...it's been a while.

97. John Mollan - This is the only person on this list who I have only met once. I spent a substantial amount of time around every person on this list with the exceptions of #97, #78, and #83. The great John Mollan who appeared in my holiday post was a bartender at a fine brewpub in Wisconsin who allowed my friends and I to watch the bar for him while he and his stoner friend went to, what I believe to have been, smoke some reefer. He also taught us how to drink a boot, taught us about various beers, and charged us $40 for what was easily $150 worth of beer. I may have only met him once, but it was easily one of the top five nights of my life.

96. Barbara Kuhl - This was my English teacher and Vice-Principal at St. Bede the Venerable Grade School. She should probably feel marginally offended that she taught me for three years and only finished one spot above a guy who let me and some friends run wild in his bar on a glorious February 12th. However, no disrespect is meant. She was a challenging teacher who took a individual interest in each of her students and challenged each of us to bring out the best in ourselves. Teachers like her are probably a good part of the reason that I fared much better academically in grammar school and college than I did in high school. Terry Caldwell just gave me an F and the told me to read 14 chapters by tomorrow.

95. Jeff Dorey, 94. Willie Alvarenga, and 93. Chris Jauregui - This is the first of four three-baggers where I have grouped three stand-out individuals together who are indicative of a larger group of people. All of these groups will also have people further down the list who will be called out for greater influence in my life. These three were all members of the Loyola football team that I was on. I considered them all to be good friends at the time, though I've not seen most of them since graduation. Our senior year we won the CIF title, and though that is not my proudest accomplishment...it seems to be the one that third-parties are most impressed with. Jeff earns recognition because the coaches always confused us, Willie earns recognition because he made me laugh the most, and Chris (CJ) deserves recognition for making sure that my ass remained glued to the bench on any play that didn't involve special teams.

92. Joanie Weidner - The majority of people that I knew in high school went to college in the state of California. A fairly substantial percentage stayed in Los Angeles County at USC, UCLA, LMU, or several other of Southern California's finer academic institutions. If they were in need of a mother, they could go talk to their actual mother. That's not the case for people like me who went 2500+ miles away. I needed a family and so I tried to create one as soon as I got to Xavier. I referred to my tight-knit Rhetoric class as "The Family" with three of them appearing on this list, and two of them in the Top 10. However, looking for a Xavier parent was more difficult. My sophomore year Hall Director and RA could be described as absentee fathers, but that was it. Until the end of my sophomore year, when I joined Senate and Joanie Weidner took time out of her busy day to give me sound, reasonable advice and talk to me about the stresses of being a college student...and a homeless person.

91. Tom Reynolds - This was my first boy scout Scoutmaster. This position became a bit of a revolving door in our Troop once his son graduated to Eagle Scout and he stepped down. And with respect to really good Scoutmasters like Mr. Horne and Mr. Doyle it was just never the same. The thing that Mr. Reynolds brought to the troop that could never be replaced by future leaders was a sense of order that lacked a rigid sense of discipline. Not many people can make this work. I am an Eagle Scout. And yet my clove hitch is shaky at best and I have no skills whatsoever when it comes to identifying plant life. However, one thing I do have that all Boy Scouts should have our fond camping memories. Camping shouldn't be a chore. When you don't have to get up at the crack of dawn and your Scoutmaster doesn't give you a food pyramid that you must use to shop for trips, the great outdoors can be a pretty awesome place with friends.

90. Katie Wetterau, 89. Andrea Visconti, and 88. Katie Nierzwicki - Here we have the next three-bagger. These are members of my 2007 Alternative Spring Break Trip to New Orleans. This was a very important week in my life where instead of going home or spending Spring Break in Cancun, I went to the Gulf Coast and helped tear down and build houses in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. I got to do a lot of groovy stuff for the first time: like acupuncture. And yes, I drank on Bourbon Street even though it was expressly forbidden. These are some of the fantastic people that I spent that week with and realized that not only is good will and service to the community rewarding, but if you do it with people who are infectiously fun to be around it becomes a blast for even the most miserly amongst us. Katie Nierzwicki snagged the 88 spot because she also treated me to free food and Ryan's Pub and would crack me up when she came to SAC meetings intoxicated.

87. Kelly Marie Swietlik - This is the mother of one of my good friends, Erin (further down the list). I considered all four members of Swietlik clan for placement on this list. Her brother, Chris should probably be considered since he and his friends have to account for about 10% of my readership...but if I made that a factor it cheapens the list. Sorry, Little Man. I have also learned several valuable lessons from her father Walt, though the fact that many of these were passed on to me through Erin as a middle-woman means that his contributions are slightly diminished. He also tried to kill me with a firework and had he succeeded, he would be in the Top 10. I put Kelly Marie on this list because she has been kind enough to invite me into her home on multiple occasions and actually seems to care when she asks how the job search is going or how my new roommate situation is treating me. Most people just ask those questions because they're a natural conversation starter. I'm not that used to other people's parents actively looking out for my well-being, and I appreciate it.

86. Kenny Malone - Kenny was the RA on the wing adjacent to mine during my Freshman year. And since my RA got fired within the first month of my college career, he became my de facto RA. I talked during the last Lush Life Chronicle about the Know-How and how the greatest compliment that you can get coming from me is to be "high functioning". Well, Kenny is the most "high functioning" person that I have met who was within a year of my age. I still claim him to be the smartest person I knew at Xavier...much to the dismay of the numerous ego-maniacs I hang out with who insist that they are the smartest. He was a book smart kid, but not sensationally so. He was, however, sensational in his social IQ...which are the smarts that really matter in life. He was also a great programmer which is where I learned most from him, and that is probably where my love of programming came from. NOTE: Not computer programming...event programming.

85. Jackson Raders - Jackson was a friend of mine at Loyola who I competed with on Loyola's ComedySportz team. He also has the second coolest name of anybody on this list...more on that later. Many of the people on this list have to do with my foray into the world of comedy, it's a major part of how I identify myself. Certain things I recognize that I am not: organized, athletic, attractive, etc. But when I identify things that I think I have down...funny comes right after intelligent. And Jackson is the person who probably was best able to combine these two into his comedy. It was always great to do scenes with him because when we were on stage you could take the comedy to a higher IQ level...and that's where I most appreciate comedy. Doing scenes on stage with him for a year and a half helped take my sense of humor to where it is today.

84. Anne Gallagher - She was my 2nd Grade teacher, my 5th Grade teacher, and my Student Council adviser in 8th Grade at St. Bede. Despite the fact that I only saw her for an hour and a half per week in this final capacity, it was probably the most important. She helped facilitate myself and the other five members of St. Bede's Student Council and was instrumental in turning me into a good leader. Being elected to Student Council was a big deal for me because it helped me realize that leadership is something that I'm good at, and it also gave me a big self-esteem boost. It was the first time that I felt that I was popular. We bemoan school elections because they're a popularity contest and they rarely take into account who will do the best job. With no disrespect meant towards the other candidates, I always knew that I could do the best job...the election just taught me that I was also popular.

83. Greg "College" Olkhovsky - College, as he almost exclusively known, was another member of my Alternative Breaks trip to New Orleans. He holds a special place on this list above other members from the trip because he was the only other male in our group. You'll notice that the three previous names on this list were all female. Now, I like a heavy girl to guy ratio as much as the next horny red-blooded college student, but I think that of all the people that went on this trip I enjoyed my time spent with College the most. At Xavier, he was the definition of a party animal...hence the nickname. However, on the trip I found him to be one of the more insightful, hilarious, and humanitarian people that I'd met during my time in Cincinnati. We also got to spend a good deal of time together because there was only one bathroom at our church and it went in gender shifts...the 12 girls first, then the two guys. And we had plenty of fun web-camming for the weird camera-looking thing that came down into the shower stall.

82. Felicia Masto - She was the adult leader for the confirmation group that I was a teen leader for. Confirmation is allegedly a huge rite of passage within the Catholic church. I think we're supposed to consider it as the spiritual equivalent of a Jewish bar or bat mitzvah. It's when a member of the Church steps into adulthood and excepts responsibility for their spirituality. However, I don't feel that I grew that much as a person. I did, however, grow a great deal while leading a confirmation group two years later. Felecia allowed me to waste a good deal of time at these meetings discussing non-spiritual things that I thought might help the group. She also assisted me with my retreat speech. Every retreat at the mighty St. Bede's has reflection speeches by leaders. And there is always one that makes some people cry. Well, that was my speech. And it was over a dozen people who were crying. Legend has it that Hitler was such a great orator that some of his speeches brought women to orgasm. This is the only parallel that I've ever wanted to achieve with Hitler, and this experience made me feel that I'm part of the way there. This was when I first realized that I was a kick ass orator.

81. Bill Skeehan - This is the father of my friend Mark Skeehan (further down the list). While several parents of friends made the list, he is the only father of a friend. This is because he also served as my coach for football and basketball. I believe that he is an excellent coach. This belief stems from the fact that we always won, and usually by a lot...though in retrospect I can't be sure that beating Holy Redeemer 82-0 is that big of an accomplishment. I do know that he organizes a road trip sweet golf tournament every year called the Big 108, and I hope to duplicate this event on some level with my own friends. Aside from what I learned from him as a coach and the friend of my father, I also play basketball with him and some other gentlemen in their 40s and 50s whenever I am home. From these outings I've learned a few things about what adjusting to life as a working family man is likely to be like.

80. Chris Hasbrouck - This is a good friend of mine from Loyola High School who I played football with. We were weight lifting partners for Loyola's infamous early morning weight lifting sessions and we hung out outside of football more than most because he was also in the Concert Choir, where I had many friends. Perhaps his greatest contribution is to me political leanings. I consider myself to be one of the most moderate people that has ever roamed the American landscape. But in high school I had two friends who represented polar opposites on the political spectrum. Chris represented the hardcore Republican view. Now whenever I am greeted with a political quandary and the little donkey and elephant appear over my shoulders, it is his voice that I hear voicing the GOP party line. If you're interested the Democratic friend was Jackson Raders (#85). So maybe I do lean just the slightest bit conservative. I haven't seen him in almost two years, but I hope to change that in the relatively near future.

79. Steve Plachinski - This is a friend from Xavier University. We lived on the same floor Sophomore year and had many adventures together during our time at Xavier. He arguably played on my intramural teams, he helped me with my Senate campaign, and he allowed me to spend a shitload of time in his room. He is also the most talented drummer I have ever known and lent his services to our basketball team's pep band. My fondest memories of Steve are probably the hours that we spent freezing out asses off as we shared our shifts camping out for four days for tickets to the Crosstown Shootout. We shared life philosophies and he is one of the most interesting people that I have ever met. He's also the only person I know who just calls me "O'Brien". Three of the next five people on this list are Service Fellows (read as: especially nice students who are heavily involved with charities and causes, and who receive Xavier's only non-athletic full scholarships). Steve isn't a Service Fellow...but he dates one.

78. Betsy Hoover - I have only met Betsy perhaps two or three times in my life. However, my first meeting with her was a very important one. She was my tour guide when I first visited Xavier University during my junior year of high school. She could probably be cited with accuracy as the reason that I came to Xavier and without her I may never have met 45 of the other people that appear on this list. I applied to 21 colleges and actually got into the majority of them. Xavier had to stand apart from several other schools. And it did with a beautiful campus, great facilities and programs, and a surrounding city that I thought I would enjoy spending four years in. However, what probably pushed it over the borderline were the people and how excited they were to be there. Betsy was over-the-top enthusiastic about being a freshman at Xavier and introduced me to many other enthusiastic people in positions that you don't get to meet on other campus tours. She was also the only Service Fellow / Senator at Xavier at the time and was part of my inspiration for going into Senate and for my love of all things Service Fellow.

77. Sofia Andreadis - She was a co-worker that I had while I worked at Clubessential. She was also my partner for covering the West Coast territory during the ten months that I worked there. In this capacity she served as a mentor for me, as she had been there longer. She also taught me the majority of what I knew, and tirelessly assisted me when I had the inevitable question or query. Clubessential was the first "real" job I ever had. And by real I mean one that my dad didn't help me get and that I actually was proud to tell people that I worked. And at this job she served as a mentor to me. She was the Mr. Miyagi to my Daniel-san, the Yoda to my young padawan, the Michelle Pfeiffer to my angry black kid...you get the picture. She taught me a hell of a lot, and even if it looks like I'll never use html again...it's still a good skill to know.

76. Anna Russell - Anna was another Service Fellow who was two years below me at Xavier University. She was also what I like to call the uber-Fellow for her class, which is the Service Fellow in each class who is the most Service Fellow-y. She is one of the nicest people that I had ever met and somebody who took all of the world's injustices to heart so personally that I was constantly worried that she would suffocate on the world's suffering. However, perhaps the reason that she is on this list has nothing to do with her good heart or her indomitable sense of right and wrong. The summer after her freshman year she had a falling out with her inseparable best friend and the two of them barely (if ever) talked for the rest of my college career. They were what I would describe as an "epic friendship". And it shocked me that somebody that was as open and forgiving as Anna could have an impassable rift in a relationship that had been so close. It made me wonder if I could ever have a falling out like that with somebody that I had been so close with. I eventually decided that my best friend would have to fatally stab a member of my immediate family in order for me to forsake him, but it is something to think on...and something that I have thought on quite a bit.

75. Mike Porterfield - He was my high school freshman history teacher, sophomore football coach, and senior psychology teacher. He obviously served many roles throughout my high school development and taught me many lessons. He was a great coach and might be one of the greatest defensive minds to ever pick up a clip board. I think that his sophomore teams had a stretch that included a 38-2 record over four seasons...and that's with other JV teams using juniors and our best sophomores always on varsity. However, where he allowed me to grow the most was in the classroom. He would continuously try to "mindfuck" me in the middle of class. He recognized my love for arguing and would constantly try to trap me in argumentative corners to see if I could claw my way out. Every time he called on me I had to speak knowing full well that I would be walking into a mine field. Not only did this refine my skills and grow my love of arguing, but it also gave me one thing that I love: individualized public attention. I crave it. And from the very first day of class freshman year he would engage me in battle over subjects ranging from the effects of Mansa Musa's hajj to Mecca on the African economy to Trent Dilfer's value as a signal caller within the Baltimore Raven's system. And the best part was that even with a ton of other kiss-ass Honors student egg heads raising their hands and desperately trying to get called on or get a word in edge wise...he would always stare straight back at me and make it a two-way conversation for at least ten minutes while the rest of the class could only enjoy the show.

74. Matt Ackels - Matt is the third Service Fellow in the last five spots. While not an uber-Fellow, he did appear in Don't Tell Anna with me...thus standing apart from several other deserving Service Fellows. If I haven't explained it yet, Don't Tell Anna was my college improv troupe. Matt was a freshman when I was a junior and is the only member of the Class of 2011 that will be appearing on this list. Just three people ago, I talked about one of my mentors. However, there are two parts to the mentor/protege relationship, and in this one I attempted to serve as Matt's mentor. I don't know if he ever thought of me as a mentor, but I tried to look out for him and make sure that his talents were seen for what they were. The kid was a natural when it came to comedy. When I was given the chance to direct one of the scripts for Xavier's Workshop 2008 my senior year, I cast him without hesitation and he absolutely killed it on stage. He took the most liberties with script like great improvisers do and stole the show. However, his greatest talents have little to do with performing. He is one of the smoothest charmers and sweet talkers that I have ever met. I once bet him $20 that he couldn't talk our waitress at Ryan's Pub into pouring my drink into my crotch without referencing the bet to her. He got her to pour the whole pitcher onto my crotch. That is a serious talent.

73. Willie B. Byrd, 72. Esteban Gamboa, and 71. Katie Grant - These were three friends from Xavier who I had the pleasure of serving with on Xavier's Student Senate. They are once again representative of Xavier's SGA as a whole. It was a big part of my life at Xavier and has provided me with many of my fondest memories in those four years. It developed me as a leader and taught me a lot about human nature and the American political psychology. Willie, aside from being the master of the April Fool's Day prank, is on here because he epitomized for me somebody who took risks, held his principles, and represented his constituency's beliefs above his own. Esteban is on here for many of the same reasons along with the fact that he had that political charm of always making whoever he talked to feel important and valued. Katie Grant is on here and outranked the other two for three reasons. #1 is because, while not a master of debates and policy, she was a dedicated civil servant for the students and one of very few Senators who actually finished a Senate project every semester. #2 is because I was also friends with her outside of the realm of Senate, as we did Players together and I even cast her in my Workshop script. #3 is because I served on a committee with her and made consistent comments about how insatiably attractive she was, and she never even once brought me up for impeachment on the grounds of sexual harassment.

70. Glen Montgomery - Glen, Trey, or Glendiggle...he goes by many names. He is a friend from Xavier University who I actually never met until after I had graduated Xavier University. He's an endlessly nice guy, and for this reason he finished in last place in my last blog's search for a frenemy. However, if also caused him to finish next to last place in The Mole (a competition amongst our friends that was formatted like ABC's The Mole) because he only sees the good in people and fails to see their unseemly deceptions. He is the example in my life of somebody who is passionate about what they do and is pursuing their dream. He is excellent at video editing and has made a fine life for himself doing what he loves. He is set to marry another member of this list in September and I wish them all the best. He also is one of the funnest drunks I have ever known. At any debaucherous event, there should always be the possibility of getting a pie in the face or getting attacked by a werewolf.

69. Fr. Lawrence - He was a priest at my Church from the time that I was in 2nd Grade through 8th Grade. During this time of prosperity, St. Bede had two great pastors. He and Monsignor Francis Wallace (or Wally as I like to call him) were two of the best priests that the Catholic Church had to offer. With Monsignor Wallace having a good thirty years on Father Lawrence, Father Lawrence was the priest who often came in to talk to our class and attended field trips with us. He is also one of the best homily-givers (homilists?) that I have ever known. He had a way of taking spiritual advice and biblical meaning and packaging it in a way that you could both understand and get behind. The fact that I haven't had a priest that I can relate to in several years is probably a large part of the reason that I'm not as religious as I once was. I need to know that my spiritual guide knows what they're talking about and sees life in a way that is on the same plane as the way that I view it. And Father Lawrence definitely was that. He is one of three people on this list who are no longer alive and I think that the Church is significantly worse off for that.

68. Steve Grady - He was my high school varsity football coach and a legend in the Southern California high school coaching circle. He also was my Physical Education and Typing teacher. However, despite his legacy of weening me out of the "two finger pluck" method of typing, his main contribution to my life and experiences came on the grid-iron and in the weight room. He is the man who was mainly responsible for me having to get up at 4:30 in the morning and not get home until 7:30 at night. He was also responsible for a whole lot of fun and some of my fondest memories at Loyola. The Loyola program has fallen upon some tough times of late, and I have to believe that this is more a reflection on the values of the new regime than the qualities of the players involved. Steve Grady always emphasized the importance of every man on the team doing their job to the best of their ability and not giving a damn who gets the credit or the blame. He also believed in the 50 "Wolfpack" defense, the greatest defense that high school football has ever seen. So, let's go back to that Loyola. And despite what I said earlier...this is a third person who I can do a pretty good impression of.

67. Carol O'Brien, 66. Teresa Dwyer, and 65. John Dwyer - The last of the representative groups, these three are all in my extended family. I know that you think that it seems kind of cold to single out your favorite family, or to put them this low for that matter. The family members above were selected because they are my godparents and my grandmother. It was nothing personal. It doesn't mean that they are my favorite...though it doesn't mean that they're not. However, they're low position on this list is only meant to reflect the fact that I see them significantly less regularly than about 90% of this list. Despite the fact that I rarely see them, they still have played an important role in my life. They were largely responsible for shaping who my parents are, and, therefore, were largely responsible for shaping who I am. And they're still my family. So let this be known, people. If the cruise ship is going down and I'm doling out life boats: I don't care what your position is on this list...blood is thicker than water.

64. JJ Coleman - JJ is a friend from high school and the only person at my high school who competed with me in both football and ComedySportz, which were my two most formative activities. He also was the closest thing that Xavier had to a cult of personality. He was Loyola's school president and and salutatorian (we vote for salutatorian; it's not just #2 GPA) despite having none of the standard indicators of popularity other than being one funny son of a bitch. He also provided me with a great way to merge both my football and theater worlds. He was significantly better than me at getting football players to show up at musicals and ComedySportz shows and at getting thespians to show up at football games. I learned a lot from him, but the one thing that I wish that I had really learned was the secret to his powers of persuasion.

63. Heidi Mallis - She is a friend of mine from Xavier University. If you'll remember when I was talking about Jackson Raders, I said that he had the second coolest name on this list. Well, Heidi has by far the coolest name. Despite what the name would imply, she has to be one of the least malicious people that I have ever met. I think gambling sites have put her as an early 7:1 shot for next year's Nobel Peace Prize. I had previously mentioned that Betsy Hoover was partially responsible for getting me to join Senate. Well, Heidi Mallis was actually responsible. Much like myself, she went way out of her comfort zone and traversed to Xavier all the way from Arizona. And as a Senator she was excellent at making sure that the needs of the under-represented West Coast student were met. She is one of the most "together" people that I have ever met and the one that I most expect to see win a major award (Nobel or otherwise) sometime in the future.

62. April Sauline - This is a friend and former task master who I met at Xavier University. I was involved in Xavier University's Players, which is odd since I came to the realization at an early age that I can't act. However, I discovered that I can certainly write, I was made for casting, and while I wouldn't call myself a "good director"...my directing style is pioneering in the field. Well, April was the czar of Xavier Players and spear-headed the annual Workshop. She gave me my first big break my Junior year when she talked the Players Board into a script of mine called Divine Intervention that nobody else wanted to produce. It then went on to become play of the year. The next year she selected two of my scripts and gave me another one to direct, which was loads of fun. However, she also made taxing demands on me, hounding me and yelling at me to know end for my lackadaisical style of directing and management. My fondest memory is of me at a cafe in Kentucky where I am scheduled to give an advertising thesis presentation talking on a phone. On the other end of that phone is April Sauline yelling at me across state lines because the booth cues that I gave her for tech week were in the wrong format. The best part is that I didn't answer my phone, so she called me on Kailin Borton's phone...whom she barely (if it all) knows. It was probably exactly what I needed and I wouldn't have it any other way. I've seen the past two Workshops since we graduated and they haven't been the same without her.

61. Sam Thomeczek - This is a friend from Xavier and another one of my attempted (and possibly failed) proteges. We were on Buenger Hall's Community Council together my sophomore year. She was a freshman and I was a sophomore. I was the President and she was the Treasurer...which is far and away the most important position on any Ray O'Brien administration. She was easily the most dedicated member of my Community Council and helped with the all-important task of cooking our books as Treasurer. We spent three times our semester's budget on one event. She had quite the knack for the deception it took to be a Treasurer on the council and she was an excellent programmer as well. I thought of her as a protege...though I never tell potential proteges that they are proteges. That's not my modus operandi. However, of my two intended political proteges (the other being my Senate freshman committee member Sarah Voveris), I definitely did a better job with her. She was at least 65% corrupted by the time the year was through. Sarah on the other hand might be the most uncorruptable straight arrow to ever step foot into the Senate office.

60. Pat Brennan - This is a friend who performed in Don't Tell Anna with me for two years at Xavier University. Don't Tell Anna is a group that has never really found it's groove in terms of freshman recruitment. Every year that I was there...they only had one freshman on the team. Sometimes it may have been politics, but other times it was just that only one funny kid tried out. Luckily for the prosperity of the team through the years, that one four-year member in every class was always really good. And for the class of 2010 that person was Pat Brennan. I always loved doing scenes with him because aside from being a funny improviser (a dime a dozen) he was also a good improviser (significantly rarer). Lots of people can be funny, but significantly fewer have the listening skills and dynamic story-telling abilities to wholly entertain. Very often when a two-person scene is going well, you will see a third person come in and kind of step on what had been a good dynamic. I've done it, I've had it done to me, and I've seen it done too many times to count. However, when a two-person scene is bombing...others become more hesitant to step in, lest they get the taint of this horrendous scene on them. It is at these times when Pat Brennan is at his best. Nobody can swoop in and re-direct a shitty scene to salvation like Pat. And aside from being an excellent improviser...he also let me use his apartment for that aforementioned Mole challenge.

59. Jen Clary - This is a friend of mine from La Canada who attended La Canada High School. I initially met her as she was good friends with some of my other friends and she was on the girls basketball team (whose games I attended 97% of). During the summers, we worked only two buildings apart in downtown Los Angeles and would car pool in together. We would wax poetic about life and other heavy things. She's a good gal and I like her a lot. Somebody that I have substantially less affection for is her ex-boyfriend. Everybody dreams of being responsible for a relationship. You hope to set up two of your friends and then when they get married and have kids, they will be forever indebted to you. You'll have made a difference in the world. However, I also feel responsible when one of my friends comes to see me play a football game and ends up walking away with a less than preferable door prize for a boyfriend. Nobody wants to take credit for a doomed relationship. Well, that's what happened to Jen. And I still feel bad about it. You know that somebody is no good when Matt Burrows doesn't even want to go to a museum with them.

58. Geoff Lapid - This is a friend of mine who was a ComedySportz running buddy at Loyola High School. The reason that he has managed to outfox so many other ComedySportz alums and ascend into my ComedySportz Top 5 is because I probably had the best on stage chemistry with him out of all of the other improvisers that I have ever performed with. This was quite an advantage for us when we represented Loyola ComedySportz in the Annual Aguora Tournament. With most of our team unable to travel due to rehearsal for the school's musical, The Mikado, Geoff and I had to play every game and even take on a friend from Simi Valley High School and pass her off a Loyola student. We're lucky nobody called us on Loyola being an all-guys school. We won the Augora Tournament to our natural camaraderie and both Geoff and I made the All-Tournament team.

57. Hugh Bailey - He was my Creativity in Advertising professor at Xavier University. This was, with apologies to Oral Communication and Intro to Criminal Justice, hands-down the best class that I ever took in college. I never skipped any class in college unless it was to attend an NCAA tournament game, but that was because I wasn't very good at studying and figured that the more class time I put in the better. However, this was probably the only class that I never wanted to skip. Every class was packed with interesting Powerpoint presentations highlighting creative campaigns by ingenious advertisers. It was like watching an episode of Mad Men without all of the existential ennui. Days on which we got to present were even better because we were given such free reign on our projects. He would just throw 40 products on the whiteboard and let us each pick one to make a campaign for...no other directions or strings attached. I remember that I selected the unpopular selection of "grave sites". I promptly decided that my media demographic was going to be Hispanics. I was allowed to do my best creative works and despite the fact that my campaign would probably be viewed as too controversial and offensive (to the departed, not to Mexicans), I was given an A+. We need more teachers who can provoke a love of learning and a love of working out of students.

56. Jackie Stenger - She is a friend of mine from Xavier who I first met at Manresa Orientation. Sure, I met a few people on my visit that I remember, but she can technically be considered my oldest Xavier friend. As I met her four days before school started. However, she is also one of my very dearest friends from Xavier. She appeared in Don't Tell Anna with me and also competed with me in the National College Comedy Competition. She is the funniest female that I have ever met. Her humor is my kind of humor as it comes from a very intelligent place. However, I have never met somebody as responsible and as intelligent as she is who at the same time is also always up for such a plentiful helping of debauchery. The girl knows how to have fun and thankfully she let me have a good deal of it with her. She recently got married and invited me to her wedding, so technically her name is now Jackie Dunphy. And as a Resident Assistant she helped mentor me in the ways of avoiding the long ugly claw of the Res Life office while I lived in Buenger.

55. Matt Harper - He is a friend of mine from both St. Bede and Loyola whom I played ComedySportz with. I've known Matthew Harper since he was a wee bug of about 5 years old. For a long while he was just the brother of another friend of mine, but now I would consider him an excellent friend as well. We first started hanging out more when he joined the Loyola ComedySportz team at the beginning of my senior year. As a fearless improviser he was always really good at throwing himself into new games that he and the team barely knew. He was one of my favorite improvisers to be on stage with and as the only one who lived in La Canada he was also one of my favorite running buddies. Countless times he assisted me in "punking" the good people of La Canada. A staple of both my various April Fool's Day pranks and dinners at Lucky Boy, there are few people that I would rather spend a day with.

54. Julianne Thompson - She is a friend who appeared in Loyola's production of Sweeney Todd with me and who went to prom with me during my Junior year. I have not seen her since I graduated high school and I only really knew her for a good 18 months. She also might be the person who least expects to appear on this list. However, the truth is that to this day she remains one of the best singers and actresses that I have ever met. She has the kind of talent that can succeed in the dog eat dog world of professional entertainment. However, you'd never know it by talking to her because she doesn't have even a dash of that diva attitude. I also went to prom with her my junior year. And despite the fact that there was no romantic relationship or attachments between us...I would still consider it the best "date" that I have ever been on. She is a 5-star conversationalist and has led an immensely interesting life. She is also a Hard 10 in the looks department and it's pretty awesome to be at a dance where 90+% of the other male attendees are jealous of you. We walked into the room and I'm pretty sure that more than a few guys got slapped for gawking. I haven't seen her since I graduated high school, but I'd love to run in to her at some juncture down the road and catch up.

53. Jim Miller - He was the Director of Xavier's Gallagher Student Center and the Faculty Advisor to Xavier's Student Senate. If Joanie was my Xavier Mother then Jim was my Xavier Father. He brought his classic Jim Miller sense of humor to our Senate meetings and he was the first person who I ran to for advice whenever we had a tough vote coming up or when I ran into a snag with my Senate project. He also was the Director of the Gallagher Student Center or as I referred to it during my senior year, my apartment. After not scoring a serviceable lottery number with which to get on-campus housing I was forced to go rent a roach motel of an apartment from the biggest douche bag slumlord that Norwood has to offer. So naturally I slept almost every night in the GSC and I have no question that if the director had been anybody other than Jim, this would not have flown. However, he not only allowed it but encouraged it by giving me a spare key in case the doors to the Players Green Room were ever locked when I needed to use the showers. He was an understanding and caring mentor and he embodied what I want to be when I grow up. I still would like to be Director of the Gallagher Student Center if you're reading this, Xavier Powers That Be. I'll send you my resume. Sadly, Jim passed soon after I left Xavier. He is one of three people on this list who are no longer alive and he was probably the one that I was closest to.

52. Mark Van Dellen - He is a friend of mine who went to La Canada High School. You  might recognize this name as that of November's Guest Blogger. They are one and the same. I don't know that he inspired me to become a blogger, but it certainly didn't hurt. His blog vastly pre-dates this one. I didn't really hang out with Mark until well after we both graduated from high school. However, now we hang out on a very regular basis whenever I make it back to California. We talk about many things including Pac-10 sports, midgets, and our favorite pazookis. No topic of conversation is off-limits for us other than perhaps Oprah's favorite things. We've also been known to golf for In-N-Out Double-Doubles and these golf showdowns will become even more memorable and important in my life once somebody actually teaches him how to putt. While he might not be a good short gamer, he is an excellent tailgater and is very hospitable with his brats and game day liquor.

51. Jami Haring - She is my current roommate. She may not even rank as one of the top five roommates on this list, but every roommate teaches me something and she has taught me the necessary adaptations one needs to go through in order to cohabitate with a female. She is the reason that I now where pants on a more regular basis and has taught me how to converse with somebody on a daily basis when I can't talk about sports, hot chicks, various buffalo sauces, or other man things. It has really made me a better conversationalist. It's too early into the 'Can Ray Live with a Female' Experiment too tell if these changes will become permanent fixtures in my life or not. The fascist tyranny of pants may end if I go back to living with dudes. However, her effects on my life are more substantial than that. She has also taught me that I don't want my kids to have pets and helped me to be better at talking about "feelings" and "emotions" and things that my former roommate Nick and I never brought up.


Thanks for Tuning In. Part 2 will be coming at you on Christmas Eve. So come back to see #50-1. Then it's 3 days until the Hot 100.