The Lush Life Chronicles - - Volume 2: The Personal Bubble

On the path to Enlightenment the Buddha stresses that you should rid yourself of worldly possessions. This is not the way of the Lush Life. The Lush Life is the Enlightenment of a capitalist society. It tells you that it is OK to possess certain things. One of the most important things that one can possess is a sense of place. This is what we who live the Lush Life refer to as "The Personal Bubble". Everybody needs a place to call their own whether they actually own this place or not. When I think over the memories of my life, the "Where" is the most vivid detail. I'll often forget "Who" I was with when I did something or "When" chronologically something happened or even "Why" I did something. But I always remember the "Where". Taking ownership of a place has always been important to people, even from a very early age. Getting your own room, your own locker at school, your own car, or your own apartment is a huge step in life (maybe even getting your own MySpace account if that's all you can manage). And as soon as anybody gets one of these they immediately go to work personalizing it, not only to represent their tastes but because they can. It's a way of saying "this space is mine".

But the "Personal Bubble" is not just about the space that you can claim ownership of...it's about all of the public places that are unofficially yours as well. Tons of sitcoms and other TV shows also represent this concept. The Seinfeld gang has Monk's Diner, the Friends had Central Perk, the How I Met You Mother crowd meets at McClaren's. Hell...Cheers did an entire television series about a special place where people hang out. They always meet at these places and they always gravitate towards the same booth. This is because these places have special meaning to them. Sure it probably also has to do with studios being a combination of cheap and lazy and not wanting to have to find new filming locations or set up new camera angles, but I think if you look into your own life you'll realize that you do it to. Everybody has a favorite bar or restaurant. Everybody has a favorite place that they like to go and people watch. And most joggers have a favorite route that they like to run. We all love new things and adventure, but these are the places that we like to go to bask in their familiarity.

And you can tell a lot about a person by the places that they inhabit. If you give anybody 60 seconds in a stranger's home, they'll be able to tell you a good deal about that person. Most people have photos and posters and keepsakes and books scattered all around their abode which shed some light on the person that they are and the person that they see themselves as. And if they don't have these things lying around then that says a lot about them as well. However, you can tell almost as much about a person by the places that they like to spend their time. If you give me 60 seconds in somebody's favorite bar I'll create a profile of the person that I imagine them to be that will probably hit who they are fairly accurately. A person's favorite places tell you what they value and what they find comforting.

Let's examine, for example, the bar scene in Mount Adams. For those of you that don't live in Cincinnati, Mount Adams is a very upscale community on a hill overlooking downtown that has a street called St. Gregory on which you can find 27 bars and restaurants. There is a bar for every type of person who isn't battling alcoholism, and lord knows that there is a bar for plenty of people who are. If a guy is going into Longworth's I know that he either likes to dance or he is looking to get laid. This is the best bar for each of these. However, he is less interested in drinking because the cover charge, steep drink prices, and slow service make it a less appealing option to get drunk than at Tavern on the Hill or at Crowley's. I know that he also isn't a big conversationalist because it is so loud and crowded in there that he won't be able to sit down or hear himself think...much less carry on a conversation. But there is a reason that it is so crowded despite being audacious enough to charge a cover: because a lot of people like to dance and get laid. Like I said there is something for everybody.

How much light a place has, whether it is open or enclosed, the style of seating, the type of people, the background noise...these all are a window into what a person values. Sometimes a person will frequent a place that just doesn't seem to suit them and their rationale is that they've been going there since they were young. This lets you know that they value family and had a decent childhood, otherwise they would likely be trying to get away from that place. Who we are is in every decision we make and this is never truer than it is in the places that we frequent and choose to associate as ours. You can even claim for your Personal Bubble places that you just enjoy visiting whenever you're in a city. The logo for the Lush Life Chronicles features me and some friends at the Cedarburg Winery. I go there a maximum of twice a year but I still claim it for my Personal Bubble. However, we don't have to have ever visited a location in order to include it in our personal bubble. We include places that we hope to go. If you peruse any person's given bucket list almost half of the items on there will likely be travel related. People have spaces that they enjoy, but any adventurous person is always looking for new ones. For some people this may be a man-made structure such as the Eiffel Tower of Machu Picchu. For others this involves the beauty of nature such as Yellowstone or Australia's Gold Coast. Everybody has spots that they like, but people who don't feel that they've found "that place" yet will still be looking for something better.

I know you're thinking to yourself that I've just run an excessively long spectrum at this point. How can the personal bubble include both the Gold Coast and my bedroom? Millions of people have visited the Gold Coast, and not as many as I would like have visited my bedroom. How can I possibly claim ownership of a place that millions of other people are also claiming as theirs? It's simple. The Personal Bubble is not about owning a place as much as it is about possessing a place. Sharing is encouraged...just like they taught you in kindergarten. Inviting other people into one's personal space is a rite of passage. You might have a special loft or vantage point you like to frequent for the view or a special coffee shop where you like to sit and think. Inviting others to share your special place with you is a big step and denotes a level of comfort with that person. People are often very protective of places that they perceive as theirs. This is never truer than the space that epitomizes the personal bubble. By that I mean the seven or so cubic feet of airspace that surround your general person and everything that falls within that space. This bubble fluctuates depending upon the circumstances. It's larger for strangers than it is for friends. It's larger for two males than it is for two females, and it also varies depending upon the culture.  Think about it. When you get on an airplane and the seat next to you is vacant, you feel like you just won the fucking lottery. You won't have some random douche bag crowding your shit. It's the same reason Jerry Seinfeld hates close talkers, conservative Christians hate grinding, and I hate being in lines. People need their space. Sometimes you want somebody to invade that space...but that is by invitation only. If somebody is going to rub their body up against yours they had better have the go ahead.

The above theory that people need their space is best exemplified by what I will coin the Ronald McDonald Theory of Personal Space. Please direct your attention to the diagram at the right. Who can tell me what this is? You in the back. No...it isn't a blueprint for crop circles. You. No...I'm afraid it isn't a piece from an erector set. How about you with the glasses. No...it isn't a molecule for a new neurotoxin that government is keeping under wraps. It's the diagram of a table at McDonald's. Thousands of McDonald's all over this great country of ours have these tables as a set up. They're really two two-person tables that are connected by a short medal bar to create one four-person table. I want you to imagine that you have walked into a crowded McDonald's. You have just worked the dollar menu like a pro and are about to take your $5 haul of a McDouble, McChicken, two small fries, and a fudge sundae to go sit and eat. Unfortunately for you this place is packed to the rafters. Every conceivable seat is taken with the exception of one table of the variety described above and there is somebody sitting at it. They are sitting in space marked with an X. Most people at this point respect the squatter sovereignty that this stranger has regarding this table and will now leave. However, you just got your car cleaned and are not going to eat in your car. It's also raining so you're not going to curb it outside.

You are going to take one of these seats that he is not using. In order to best prevent a situation you would of course take the seat with the "1" on it. This would allow you to sit down while giving the stranger as much personal space as is physically possible. Now let's make this a little harder. Let's say that there is no "1" seat. Let's say that this seat was broken off by some townie bail jumper on COPS and they haven't gotten around to fixing it yet. Do you take seat "2" or seat "3". While the configuration of the table means that your bodies will be in closer proximity if you take seat "2"...this is still the pick you go with. Yes you will be theoretically closer, but there are three major benefits. The first is that it will be significantly less awkward as eye contact can be avoided. The second is that if they get grumpy with you, you can claim that you are technically at a different table which is not theirs because you do not respect the divider bar as being part of the continuity of the table. And when they lawyer up with the Hamburglar and take you to the Honorable Grimace's court you will have a valid argument. The last and most important one is that while your bodies are closer...your food is not. If you were to sit in the "3" seat, you would have to put your food trays on the same plane and they would almost certainly be touching. Those tables are not that big. You would be all up in this person's Big Mac and constant vigilance would be necessary from both parties to ensure that the other person was taking fries from their own stash. If it came to this you might as well just sit on the floor or kick all of the kids out of the ball pit, like a crazy person, and enjoy your meal there. If you ran this as an experiment in a controlled environment I guarantee you that seat selection would go 1 then 2 then 3 in almost all scenarios where the subject how no intention of conversing with the other party or starting a fight.

So we now have a clear picture of how people feel about personal space and why it's important, but you may be asking why it's so vital that I have included the "Personal Bubble" in the Lush Life Chronicles. Certainly you think that there are other things that I could have included aside from having a place to claim as your own. I don't know that there are that many things more important. Your sense of place greatly affects your mood and the Lush Life is all about being happy and being satisfied. I have a weekly dinner party night and a bi-weekly poker night that I regularly attend. At each of these functions the location has been known to shift between friend's houses and the attitudes of the people involved fluctuate noticeably depending upon their comfort with their surroundings. I say a lot of stupid things that rile people up and whether or not I get hounded for them greatly depends upon where I am and where other people are. For some reason when dinner party is at my apartment I am allowed to say things with almost divine impunity. This stems from the fact that my place gives people a cautious vibe and mood and they respect my dominion there for some reason. When we are at Rosie's place people will pick fights with me significantly more often because that place has a very hostile and angry air about it. At Andrew's house fights are picked but they are more jovial and less mean-spirited. They are more rowdy and boisterous because we often get drunk there and the party atmosphere hangs there even when we aren't drinking. And at Amber and Trevor's pad everybody is just a lot nicer because it is so peaceful and intimate. They let things slide more often. Irregardless of where we are the host is almost always more mellow at their own place because they have the greatest level of comfort there. And since the Lush Life is about being fulfilled and "The Personal Bubble" can greatly affect mood, this means that "The Personal Bubble" is a very important part of the Lush Life.