Before we get into what The Kelli really is, I feel that it's important that we note that we have reached the second tier of the Lush Life hierarchy. The first four pillars (The Double-Double, The Personal Bubble, The Know-How, and The Hobby) are all more grandiose versions of essential human needs such as food, shelter, and mental diversion. However, we have now reached the point where we need to focus on the more complex relationship needs. Whereas the first four pillars can be satisfied by "things" more or less...the next four pillars need to be satisfied by people. When we think of relationships, people tend to get fixated on how to approach and better perfect romantic relationships, both heterosexual and homosexual. That's not what these next four pillars are about. They are about perfecting your heterosocial and homosocial relationships. You've got Cosmopolitan and Maxim to help you with relationship advice (or if need be, my ill-advised Valentine's Day post). What people need help with these days is managing all of the non-romantic relationships in our lives. It is astounding how shitty people are at properly maintaining friendships, acquantancships, and other necessary plutonic relationships in their lives. I blame the propogation of social media. We think that we can manage our relationships over a shifty Wi-Fi connection with the help of our Faceposts and Twitterscopes. And while these are useful tools for building a brand presence and spreading information (as was mentioned in my last post), the Lush Life is about relationships that require a little more face time. The simplest of these relationships is still a very important one. It's one that I call The Kelli.
Kelli, for whom this pillar is named, is the finest follicular artist in the Greater Cincinnati area. She is my hair stylist, and I think it's safe to say that she is the best one that I've ever had. Every time I go to get my hair cut by her she does a great job, she knows exactly what I want, and I get a stimulating conversation to go with the new 'do. I've gone back and forth to various places in Los Angeles and I just can't ever seem to get the right haircut experience. Sometimes I'll get a stylist who is nice and friendly and conversive, but they do a terrible job on my hair. Other times I'll get a great haircut from somebody who is elderly and only speaks Spanish, and it's awkward the whole time. Why is it too much to ask for both? I should be able to get a great haircut, and be able to converse with the person giving me the haircut on the level that those Barber Shop movies imply to be requisite between the shearer and the sheared. Being able to get the all-inclusive A+ haircut experience is valuable and it's significantly harder to attain than one would think. I will soon be migrating from Cincinnati to Los Angeles, and believe you me, I am not looking forward to having to find a new hair stylist. Whereas, I will always treasure my relationship with friends in Cincinnati and hope to keep in touch with as many as possible...there is one set of relationships that will be devestated by my move out west. That would be the collective group of relationships that make up what is a very strong fifth pillar for me. I am of course talking about the relationships that make up The Kelli.
Kelli and I do not hang out outside of the hair salon. She has a seemingly wonderful husband and an adorable baby girl. I have Andrew and Nick. (Damn, my life is sad.) Kelli and I lead seperate lives and have little desire to drink together on the weekends or watch the Super Bowl at each other's places of residence. She doesn't come to my weekly Poker Night and I don't go to her weekly Book Club. She doesn't cut my hair for free. I'm a client. And that's really what The Kelli is all about. It's about having friendly professional relationships at various service establishments. This pillar could be called The Lindsay, as that is the name of my regular waitress every week at Mount Lookout Tavern. It could be called The Steve, who is my Trivia Caller at Balboa's every Tuesday. It could be called The Dana, who is the librarian I chat up every time I check out or return a book or video at my local branch of the Cincinnati Public Library. The Kelli is about walking into an establishment and being a regular. This is why Cheers was such a popular show. Everybody wants to have a place where everybody knows there name.
It's nice to be known when you're out about town. The George Clooney film Up in the Air talks about how companies are going to lengths to make people feel welcome and individualized when they travel or are recieving other services. But in the case that was presented in that film with American Airlines and their VIP services, you're paying an arm and a leg to have people who have no personal connection to you pretend like you're important. The Kelli requires far less money, but a little more effort. When you like a place enough to frequent it and become familiar with the staff...go ahead and wade into people a little bit. Get to know them. Let them get to know you. I promise you it will be worth it. Take for example the Kelli for whom this pillar is named. I've been getting my hair cut by her for almost three years now. That's probably about 12 haircuts. And thankfully only one of those haircuts included conversations about my job, my living situation, and all of the other small talk, starter-conversation, B.S. If I had hopped around to different people to get my hair cut by random walk-in I would have had to have those conversations at least ten times. But once Kelli and I have the trivialties of my existence and her existence out of the way we can move onto other more engaging topics such as her audition for Big Brother and my attempted coersion of her to return my friend (and her client) Erin Swietlik to her trademark Pageboy 'do.
This conversational comfort is also important in other scenarios. I like having familiarity with people. But what I like even more is when people have familiarity with me. My words have a lot of context and it works best for all parties involved if they aren't taken in the wrong context. Most of my prized relationships are based upon ribbing and mutual insulting. If I don't feel comfortable calling you a "dumb slut" and you aren't one of my parents...then we will never be close. However, most waitresses don't take too kindly to you when you greet them with "Sup, bitch". However, when you attend their fine establishment and they serve you every week and you know their boyfriend's name, the classes they're taking at college, and the story behind how they broke their nose last summer...it becomes significantly more acceptable. This is why the fact that for three years I had The Kelli at Mount Look Tavern with our waitress Lindsay was so invaluable. (I realize that the last sentence is a confusing cluster-fuck, but know that when I am referring to the pillar I will capitalize "The" and when I am referring to the hair stylist I won't.) Lindsay served us damn near every Monday and having regular status came with many great benefits. Oftentimes, our drinks came very quickly because she knew our ordering habits well and had already put in the order. And when the place was at capacity and standing room only for Trivia nights we would occasionally have a table reserved for us if we were arriving too late. However, when Lindsay was notably absent...disaster would strike. We would try to have the same jovial relationship that we had developed with Lindsay with the new server, and they'd send another server over because we'd have scared the first one off. I found out that some waitresses get a little offended when you ask them to "hold the spit" when they lack the familiarity of you're running joke with your regular waitress.
That's why moving across the country is going to shatter my hold on this pillar of The Lush Life. I'm going to have to re-discover all of these relationships. I'm going to have to get a new bar, a new personal trainer, a new hair stylist, and a first massage therapist. I basically have to start all over. Part of that is exciting as I get to basically adventure into meeting new people and choosing new places to become a regular at. But the other part of it sucks. I have to shift through all of the new salons, eateries, and service industry figures who aren't going to make the cut. And it will take quite a while for me to re-establish the current level of comfort that I have built. And before I find the right one I'll probably have to talk to at least three more hair stylists about my damn job. And if there is one thing that I hate talking about... it's work. But I have faith that I will find the new places and relationships that I need to replace the void in my life that will be created by leaving Kelli and Lindsay and Dana and Steve behind. I had better do so with speed, vigor, and gusto, because The Lush Life waits for no man and you aren't living The Lush Life if you can't enjoy casual relationships with friendly people at your local haunts.
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