November Guest Blogger -- Mark Van Dellen

Mark Van Dellen of Buck's Blog

Hello Followers of The Hot and Bothered Effect:

As has been promised to you, once a month I will have a guest blogger from another blog come and post on The Hot and Bothered Effect so that you can get an appreciation for different writing styles, points of view, and blogs. It will also give other blogs operated by friends of mine to get some exposure for their blogs. This month's Guest Blogger will be my friend Mark Van Dellen who operates Buck's Blog. Much of his blog involves calling out things of which he is not fond or that need to change. You will see that in the following post. Without further ado, here is Mark Van Dellen with an excerpt from Buck's Blog:

Boo to the Following:

Change: Makes No Cents

I have a huge change problem. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. Everyday for the past 2 years I’ve been empting my change into my drawer. Well now my drawer can’t even close with so many quarters and stupid pennies. What does the rest of the world do with all these nickels and dimes? How does no one else have this problem? I’ve explored two options, first is take the coins to Vons at a Coinstar but then they take some commission, so that’s a no. The second is roll it up myself and give it to the bank however I’m horrible at arts and crafts and rolling up change is like origami to me. I could just pay someone to roll it up... But then I would be just paying the dude in the change I accumulated and that would be a feedback loop. (I’ve had the hardest time figuring out what exactly is a feedback loop…I always thought it was some cool new ride at Magic Mountain) Coins are nothing but trick money if you ask me. The U.S. Treasury goes, “hey this is money” but in reality its like the WNBA…worthless. Its kind of like that prank where you tape a dollar to a piece of string and place it on the ground and when someone bends over to pick up the buck, you whip it away and say, "sucks for you jerkass". The government is tricking us with this so called “money” in fraction form. I will have none of this…

People Who Say "God Bless You": Bless This!

The phrase “God bless you” is being used at an all time high and needs to be addressed immediately. There is too much blessing going on for a damn sneeze. If I were God, I would defiantly not be blessing someone just because they sneezed. One cannot help but wonder how many times a day people are telling God that they should bless other sneezers. Maybe if someone came down with a case of the flu or syphilis it would warrant a “God bless you” but not for some wind to come out of the nose at 200 mph. I am very keen on this phrase because I consider myself a professional sneezer. I have this nutso condition called Photic sneeze reflex (It’s a real thing) where anytime I look into the sun I sneeze. Throughout the course of my day there are numerous people telling God to bless me. I really wish people would stop telling God to bless me over my sneezing, and save the blesses for when I do stupid shit (Probably in Vegas). The worst are those people who are just waiting for someone to sneeze. These “God bless you whores” could be doing anything whether it be driving, or performing surgery and will stop in their tracks to make sure the holy one blesses the sneezer. However, I love to fool these sickos by pretending to sneeze to see them get ready for a “God Bless You” and then witness utter disappointment on their faces when they realize it was a false alarm. I’ve never been much of a “God bless youer” so I don’t quite understand how it works…if someone is a multiple sneezer does the “God bless you” come after one sneeze or until the sequence is finished? We can’t be worrying about making sure sneezers are blessed when we are in the midst of a war, a recession looming, and a college football season starting soon. We should let God decide what is bless worthy because clearly we failed thinking a sneeze deserves a blessing.

The Word "Fun": It's No Fun

I hate the word “fun.” I grow immediately suspicious when the word is used. When the word is used half the time it is used incorrectly. People use it to try and get you to do things. “Common it will be fun!” Anytime some one says it will be fun, immediately walk away, it will suck!! If something was really that fun no one would need to explain how fun it would be, the activity should speak for it self. Don’t get me wrong. I love to have a good time, but I never need to tell people I had fun, people will KNOW if I had fun. One day I was walking out of Ralph’s and saw their ad to get new hires saying that i Ralph's is a “fun enjoyable work experience” When the crap would working at Ralphs ever be fun?!?, is it when your in the heat chasing down shopping carts?? I just don’t see it. I’ll tell you what else isn’t fun, eating Fun Size candy bars. What the shit is that about? That’s not fun! That’s just a small ass candy bar. If you ask me it’s merely a tease saying, “here have some FUN chocolaty goodness than two seconds later, “oh wait you have no more candy bitchass!” It’s like a chocolaty version of blue balls. Next, is Six Flags. Their slogan is, “more flags, more fun” What does that even mean?? If more flags equals more fun then why isn’t it called 1 million flags? According to them, that would be a lot more fun than just 6 flags. I say nay, no one needs a lot of flags. I’m more of a one flag, maybe two flag kind of guy. If I had a choice of flags it would be the American flag and California flag. Why else would you need another flag? Quite honestly never have I been around a flag and had fun. Sure it was enjoyable to wave the flag around and act like you’re in the Patriot, but that good time lasts about five minuets. I think it is safe to say that flags and fun do not go together.

p.s. I wrote this whole thing while at work, I’m pretty sure what I wrote had nothing to do with what I was supposed to do. Lesson for you kids out there…what ever you do at work, just look serious and type fast and you’re in the clear.

Halloween

This holiday sucks! Nothing good comes out of Halloween except hot girls dressed as their favorite whores. Don’t get me wrong, it was a great holiday…when I WAS 5. I don’t like candy, dressing up, or scary things. Also! What’s the deal with pumpkins?? Those things are tasty but only in pumpkin pie which you don’t eat until Thanksgiving for another month! Pumpkins are useless on Halloween, carving them sucks and you cant eat a raw pumpkin so there is no point. You have to take out a bunch of slimy shit and cut. It is way too much of an arts and crafts project, which everyone knows I’m terrible at. Speaking of which, why aren’t pumpkins made in the spring and summer? I wouldn’t mind having some pumpkin pie in June. That would be mighty fine! While I’m on the subject, egg nog needs to be year round too. It is seasonalist to not allow someone to buy egg nog or pumpkins in June and therefore unconstitutional! Don’t give me that, “well pumpkins don’t grow in the spring” I bet you I can grow a pumpkin in the spring! How much of a change in So Cal is the weather from fall to spring. As for egg nog.. who decided it should only be used during the winter! I wouldn’t mind washing down a 4th of July hot dog with a tall cool mug of egg nog! Halloween is a holiday for women and kids. Women love to pretend their somebody they are not. That’s why weddings and proms are so important. How many holidays are women going to get they already got Valentines day! I SAY NAY! I refuse to celebrate Halloween this year in protest. In Addition, the inventor of Halloween has got this all wrong! He invented the holiday in October…WHAT AN IDIOT!!! This Mr. Halloween guy created a holiday that has women wearing the least amount of clothes possible which is brilliant! However, there are some that don’t dress crazy slutty because it is too cold outside. To accommodate these ladies you have to move the holiday to August! This way society can get the maximum potential of women dressed as whores! No worries we will still have pumpkins, I will be growing them in the summer!