Monday, March 28, 2011

The Lush Life Chronicles - - Volume 7: The Son



What good is having all of the necessary pillars of  The American Dream if you don't know why you need them. In order to live The Lush Life it is important that you possess as  many of the pillars as possible but also use them as they were intended. This is never more evident than in the case of The Son. The Son is a concept that almost everybody dreams about having but that a limited number ever really achieve. I would consider it to be one of the more unattainable pillars of The Lush Life. And while a boatload of people have all of the framework for The Son, there misuse of it means that they have not achieved The Son. Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and Charlie Sheen all clearly could have The Son, but they choose to not even come close. As you've guessed by now The Son is not necessarily a physical son...or necessarily an offspring of any kind. You don't need to have kids to fulfill this pillar, though this pillar is named The Son because one's child is often the party that fulfills this relationship need. It's also named The Son because the first two revealed Relationship Pillars are The Kelli and The Clark...I'll let you do the math. The Son is a symbiotic relationship, and when you take too much from The Son without giving enough back as the aforementioned celebrities tend to do you are no longer living The Son.

The Son is a self-esteem booster. People like to think that they want others to see them the way they see themselves. These people obviously have a high opinion of themselves. I can often be my biggest critic and would much prefer for people to see me as better than I see myself. I know all of my flaws and I don't want others to see those in me...I want people to see a perfect version of Ray. To my knowledge, there are currently zero people who think that I am perfect. However, I guy can hope. And that's why I need The Son. The Son is somebody who thinks that you hang the moon at night. They are somebody who is capable of seeing you as the best possible version of yourself. That has to sound pretty great doesn't it. Everybody wants to have fans and admirers. The question is: What would you do if you did? If I told you that you had 10 people who would worship your every action and hang on your every word, would you act any differently? Hopefully that answer is "Yes". For that is the purpose of The Son. The Son is somebody who looks up to you and who's admiration makes you want to be a better person and role model.

Too many people today think of popularity and esteem in the eyes of others as a perk that can bring a certain amount of means with it. Too few people realize that it is a responsibility. With popularity and esteem comes influence and with influence comes the ability to affect important decisions and incite change. But it's too rare a case where the person providing the influence and the admiration gets anything out of the relationship. The example in which this occurs most often is the functional parent/child relationship. It is in a child's nature to idolize their parents. It also in a parent's nature to provide for their child and try to live a better life for them. Having a child might be the most practical and gratifying way to fulfill this relationship in your life, but I'm not saying it's the easiest. The problem is that without creating another human life with your biological hanky panky who you then proceed to physically, emotionally, and financially care for over the next few decades...how do you get somebody to idolize you? If we go on the Twittersphere and examine who has a lot of people who look up them perhaps we can see how they got to where they are. And upon this examination we will find that in order to amass fans and admirers it helps significantly if you are ridiculously good-looking, exceptionally talented vocally, athletically, or creatively, or if you are very wealthy. Usually a combination of these things helps. If you possess any of these traits and have what it takes to have others worship at your temple then go out and get some. For the rest of us...take a look at your humble self and think about what you might be able to bring to the table that other people can admire.

A great place to start is with helping others. Charity is something most people look up to. People who are doing important things and influencing the world in a positive way often have a lot of admirers. It's the reason that fire fighters, paramedics, and teachers are often cited as role models alongside popular picks like parents, athletes, and movie stars. The primary reason that somebody is going to idolize you is if they view their dreary, miserable life as infinitely better whenever you step into it. That's no easy task. But what that tells us is that people are more likely to idolize people who's lives they view as better than their own. That has nothing to do with low self-esteem. It's just playing the percentages. There are people who you are willing to trade places with unless A. You are exceptionally ego-maniacal and think that you are the bee's knees, B. You are extremely afraid of Jesus' wrath and take your first commandment very seriously, or C. You have already attained The Lush Life and are fully self-satisfied above all others. For the rest of us there is no shame in admitting that we might prefer what somebody else has. The thing that tells you a lot about a person is whom they would like to trade places with. So what can you do to make another person think that your life is something that they might like to attain.

Not everybody can have somebody who idolizes them. As humans we really only have enough time and energy to idolize three people effectively at the very most. And Lady Gaga already has more than her fair share leaving even less for the rest of us. So if you can't have a slammin' awesome life that makes people jealous, you may as well be a person to know because you make other people's lives better. The problem with the idol/superfan relationship is that it is often shallow and features a large disparity in status. The superfan will go to great lengths to please and gain even the slightest of recognition from the person that they idolize. And the person who they are heaping their adoration on will either not give a damn or exploit their willingness to please. The ideal The Son relationship requires substantial adjustment on both the parts of your The Son and yourself. Ideally, The Son will be somebody who respects you for all of the right reasons and attempts to emulate your general lifestyle and personal victories without any Single White Female undertones. The ideal situation also consists of you recognizing that you have influence and esteem amongst your fellow man and trying to use this influence to better their lives and to live your own life in a way that serves as a solid example for those who look up to you.

In case you couldn't tell, I think that a true The Son relationship is significantly rarer than any of the other relationship pillars that make up The Lush Life. To illustrate a good example of one I was trying to find one in mainstream media and it was difficult. I thought that this would help because most people can conceptualize things better if they can relate them to movies or TV shows, like Abed on NBC's Community. See what I did there...I used a TV show to illustrate the value of relating things to TV shows. Sam Malone makes a great The Kelli and Burton Guster makes a great The Clark, but finding a great The Son on television was difficult. The Cape featured a fairly good example, but let's be honest: you don't watch that show. The Jack Donaghy/Liz Lemon dynamic on 30 Rock touches on aspects of The Son, but it doesn't fit and their relationship is so odd that it has almost no real world application whatsoever. Entourage is the flailing, dyslexic bastardization of all things The Son. But your a smart person. You don't need pop culture to demonstrate a working relationship for you to go out and get one.

But it's important that you realize that there is a shortage of The Sons out there, and you should do your part. An idiotic man once divided the world into leaders and followers. The problem with doing this is that it makes black and white what is so clearly a spectrum of gray. There is no reason that people can't be leaders and followers. Many of the relationship pillars of The Lush Life can go both ways. In your life you are looking for The Clark to your Lewis, but that The Clark sees you as their The Clark. Trippy, right? Well, to help with the shortage of functional The Son relationships, go out and lend your admiration to somebody who's goals and lifestyle. Don't pick somebody for whom your adoration will be a drop in the pond, pick somebody who you actually interact with on a regular basis. Being The Son isn't going to hurt your quest for The Lush Life. It will only help to teach you what a potential The Son is looking for, so you can try and live your life in a way that will make others admire you. And remember that the purpose of leadership is not to create followers, it's to create more leaders. Which means that while I love to have blog followers, I really want to create a love of blogging and sharing of ideas in other people. But I'm not ready for The Son yet, anymore than I'm ready for an actual son yet. The Son is a large responsibility and you have to ready your life in preparation to be an example for others. But if you think that you are ready for this pillar then go out and find an apprentice who could benefit from your mentorship.

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