March Guest Blogger -- Drew Bledsoe

Drew Bledsoe of TonyHomo.com

Hello Followers of the Hot and Bothered Effect.

As has been promised to you, once a month I will have a guest blogger from another blog come and post on the Hot and Bothered Effect so that you can get an appreciation for different writing styles, points of view, and blogs. It will also give other blogs operated by friends of mine to get some exposure for their blogs as well as exposing my readers to blogs that I like. This month's Guest Blogger will be future Hall of Fame quarterback Drew Bledsoe who operates TonyHomo.com. His blog gives you a look at the world through the eyes of an egotistical, burger-loving, pratical-joking, questionable-parenting back-up quarterback who has just been benched in favor of the young Tony Romo. As you may have figured out this is not the real Drew Bledsoe's blog (probably). It also is a little dated as the author stopped this blog and moved on to straightcashhomey.net shortly after Bledsoe retired. However, while this blog was regularly posting it was easily one of the funniest blogs on the internet and even though the events that it describes are now three to four years in the past...it is still hysterical read. Here is an excerpt from TonyHomo.com:

Hi everybody. Drew Bledsoe here. I wanted to make an announcement before the rumors start to get out of hand: Today I have decided to part ways with the Dallas Cowboys.

It feels so good to write my first blog post as a free agent! I feel like a swinging bachelor again. No cares… no concerns… no worries. True Story: Earlier today, I got home and my son ran towards me to give me a hug. I just shoved him out of the way, grabbed a Burger outta the fridge, and left the house again. Can you possibly fathom how liberating that felt?!

It’s only been 12 hours since I marched into Jerry’s office and demand he cut me, but it feels like a lifetime. I’ve even stopped cutting my hair and shaving (which I normally do twice a day.) The freedom I am feeling right now… it’s… indescribable. It’s like eating a Burger for the first time after taking a day off Burgers.

So how did it happen? Well, you’ll hear many things on SportsCenter tonight. Stuff like “This was a salary cap decision.” That’s not true. What do I care if the Cowboys are over the salary cap? That’s not my problem. That had nothing to do with why I demanded to get cut.

I quit the Cowboys because a future Hall of Famer has no place on the bench. I quit because there aren’t enough Burgers in the world to hire me as Tony Homo’s mentor and coach — not with only 15-20 years left on this arm.

You should have seen this meeting you guys. It was a little sad. I mean, have you ever seen a billionaire beg before? There he was, the owner of the Dallas Cowboys literally getting down on his hands and knees, trembling before me, pleading that I stay for one more season.

I told him straight up: thanks but no thanks. I explained I had a date with Destiny (that’s my wife’s nickname) and no time left in my busy day to wipe tears off my shoes.

That’s when it got really sad — He lunged at my ankle and held on, hoping to act as a human anchor.

I told him, “Jerry, get up.”

“No!” he replied, “Not until you promise to stay.”

“Jerry, you’re scratching my shoes you Botoxed piece of shit. Get up!”

“NO!!! Please!!! How would you like a ten pound Burger! With a bun made out of ground beef?”

“You mean another one?”

“I’m so sorry Drew! I fired that idiot Parcells for starting Homo. I made a huge mistake! I admit that!”

Then I stared at him. Knowing that my next words would be the last he would ever hear me say, I decided to pick them wisely.

“Go Fuck Yourself, Dick-Bag.”

I kicked him into the wall and power-walked out of his office. Out of his life. Out of the Cowboys. I was a free man. And I felt good.

So what’s next for me?

As of now, I’m enjoying the time off. I’ve taken up several hobbies since I became a free agent this afternoon. I can now sail. I’m a PADI certified SCUBA instructor. And most recently, I’ve been acknowledged as a fifth degree level dungeon master at D&D. I’m also taking painting classes.

I know the time will soon come for me to look at the grand all-you-can-eat buffet containing the other 31 teams in the league and make my decision. But as of now I’m not trying to think about it.

Obviously, certain teams need me more than others. The Patriots would be a great fit, and a natural next step for me. The Colts, another team who is certainly high on my radar just because they possess everything needed to win a Super Bowl. I just feel the pieces are in place to make a championship run.

I mean, you could make a case for any team. But for now, I’m just enjoying single life, you know? It feels good to be back!